Onion Paratha Heart Shape

Appraisal and Resignation

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of appraisal?"

Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "

Trainee: "Yes I do"

Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation"

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation

In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.

In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.

In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.

During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.

There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign ... !!!"
 So… What about you???

 

Sales Man of Coke

U R Special

Many Times in our Lives We are dropped crumpled and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and circumstances come our way. We feel as though we are worthless But no matter what has happened or what will happen you will never loose your value dirty or clean crumpled or finely creased You are still priceless to those who loves you. The worth of our life comes not in what we do or whom we know but by who we are.! You are special. Don't ever forget it . Keep Smiling

17 Rules Between Men & Women

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some or all of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule # 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given time..

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks ackbone, and is a wimp.

16. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5

Don't Go To HR

Hi Guys,

This is something for refreshment.. we usually discuss something related to company, employees etc.

I hope this you will enjoy... PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY 


After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been 
promoted, no transfer, no salary increment, no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying:

"My friend you have not worked here for even a single day." The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain. 

Manager: How many days are there in a year?

Man: 365 days and sometimes 366.

Manager: How many hours make up a day?

Man: 24 Hours.

Manager: How long do u work in a day?

Man: 10am to 6pm i.e 8 hours a day.

Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?

Man: He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e 1/3 (one third).

Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?

Man: 122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)

Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?

Man: No sir.

Manager: How many days r there in a year that r weekends?

Man: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days. 

Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days
do u now have?

Man: 18 days.

Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days
from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining? 

Man: 4 days.

Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: Do u come to work on Independance Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man: 2 days Sir! 

Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man: 1 day sir!

Manager: Do u work on Christmas Day?

Man: No Sir!

Manager: So how many days r left? 

Man: None Sir!

Manager: So what r u claiming?

Man: I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing company
money all these days.  
Moral-NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!! ............................. 
 

HR-HIGH RISK. ..... 

Have a nice weekend...

The Call!!! funny one... must read..

WORTH A READ!!!!! J Pretty kool!! J J Take time and read!!! J

 A software engineer  calls  his friend

Hello,
plss.. talk to me... y u r not picking up the call ?????"

Friend:  "everything is alright?"

"wat alright.. noting is alright.. see the time.. its 11pm.. n I m
coming now from office..no food for me today also.. now I will cook...
From the past 3 days..I m eating only maggie... n my PM eating only
me..see the price hikes, everything is 2/- more frm yesterday.. except
my salary...I think the begger in front of my office.. earns more than
me.. wat shud I do..."

"wat happened.. wat r u talking"

"wat i m talking???? no, I m not talking.. Manager dont allow anyone to
talk except the client.. who always talks something.. from past 3 months
i didnt take any leave..now from 3 weeks.. i m just begging for one damn
leave.. n wat response i got....'why u want to waste an important day of
ur life??'

i now finalize one more time... yes..i m gonna quit.. this project...
but, i cant. no, i can.. but i wont..uh..."

"ok.. now Relax..."

"How can i relax... for relaxation ppl do yoga, but its night so i cant,
then else they watch movies... but see, in every channel all bogus
movies r repeating, same.. 'Welcome', 'Suryavansham',Govinda's movies...
it really irritates... everyone is faking in TV, fake news, fake
stories, fake swaynwars, fake reality...ah see the movies u will get to
know... In "Rock-on" last scene... Arjun Rampal's wife says to taxi
driver, that "hurry up, we r going late for Airport..." Airport...??? I
dont understand, how can  thought he find a job in Cruze.. not
Airlines..

In 3 Idiots... starting scene... Madhvan does the drama to leave his
flight, then what happened to his luggage??
In same movie... Kareena is a doctor.. that too a surgeon.. to bcame a
surgeon.. It requires atlest 5[MBBS]+3[MS] years..
so she shud be 28... n Aamir as a student.. only 18 or 20 ?? then after
10 years they decide to marry.. means she is 38 ??
I dont understand, how can spiderman reach to the church-bell in part-3,
when he lost all his power ??
I dont understand, how Balakrishna can send a train back just by Hitting
his thighs, when I cant ??
I still dont understand how could Rajnikanth fly without wings ?? i just
dont....."

"hey stop it now.."

"am I a train who will stop it, by pulling chain... ohh train.. I dont
understand, how can I didnt   see one in last 3 months... how will i see
?
All the time monitor is in front of me.. in night also wen I open my
eyes, I find my username and password window..
I need to cool down..

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

but someone tell me howw.. everytime there is a powercut here..
except wen i m not in home.. home, wat rubbish,its a dam single room..
where i m living alone with my pillow..

I also want girlfriend yaar, like my rivals have..
smita, rashmi, priti, sruti, madhu.. anyone frm my odc is ok, but they
all r engaged, u know y ?
Bcoz their boyfriends do not work in IT companies, outside girls do have
chat wid me but only on my salary day..
I got rejected 31 times.. u know y ?? each time I propose them, they ask
where do u live..
I say in my Cubicle.. Bcoz thats the only place u can find my soul all
the time.."

"hey man, u better take rest, we will talk in Morning"

" Morning.. are u talking the same morning.. Sun rises, bird flies,
omlette fries, employee cries... dam , i didnt see the Sun,from 3
years.. how it looks like... every morning I catching shuttle, reaching
my birthplace 'cubicle' working n working n leaving when Sun uncle is
not there... i will hit my room-owner some days, every morning he used
to cry for increasing room rent, I will always tell him to go n meet my
Manager... I dont understnd how can i be so nice to my colleagues..
Each time they want leave, they repeat the same old dialogue... "my
sister's marriage".. my colleague's 9 sisters got married,
3 times grandpa expired,
5 times frnd went to ICU.. but my colleague is fine..
and his favorite dialog "i need to drop a frnd to hospital, as he is not
feeling well" later i find movie tickets in his purse... then my pm's
motivational speech.. 'u will work.. u will grow'.. means if i wont
work.. i will shrink or what...

when I need hike, I m junior.. still need to grow.. when I do mistakes..
comon man u r senior now, u can not do mistakes.. ahhh God gimme some
power to understand the greatness of a super natural person known as PM
in this world.."

"ok enough now, i m disconnecting"

"wait.. i called you.. n u r disconnecting.. u know previously i was
normal, when i was in college, i used to talk continuosly watever i
want, now i m talking only this much... 'yaa its done', 'that work is
completed', 'Please..', 'Good Morning','Lunch','Tea','Snacks'..

I dont know wat i m talking abt, i shud b happy.. i have saturday n
sunday..
Saturday to recover from the disaster been made from monday to friday..
Sunday to think about upcoming disaster from monday to friday.. cool
naa..

you heard that in 2012 earth will end.. then also my ODC and my cubicle
will remain as it is.. u know why ??
because that's not a part of earth.. n we employees are not human
beings... we are aliens, so better before u start getting headache... go
have a nice dream.. me, I will again start my day tomorrow like I m
starting everyday..
good night..."

beeeeeeeeep...beeeeeeeeeep...beeeeeeeeeep
**********************************************************

Next Day, in office:-

Manager: "Dude, Please come here"

"Yes sir.....!!"

M: "I approved your leaves.. i think you should go and have some fun"

I happily came out, and checked my phone Dialled calls..

"Ohhh my God, yesterday I called my PM instead of my friend...
shiiiiittt "  

Topper's Answers

IAS TOPPERS ANSWERS*

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

　

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take

four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

　

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples

and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very l large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

　

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.

(UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

　

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

　

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

　

Q. What looks like half apple ?

A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )

　

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?

A: Dinner.

　

Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?

A: It caused a revolution.

　

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank )

　

Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round.....

No one will GET second chance to impress....

Very very Impressive Questions and Answers..... ...

　

Question 1:

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night,

it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see

three people waiting for a bus:

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

An old friend who once saved your life.

The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that

there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma ma that was once ac actually used as part of a

job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus

you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and

this would be the perfect chance to! pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming

up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to

the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner

of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought

limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

　

Question 2:

What will you do if I run away with your sister?"

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match

for my sister than you sir"

　

Question 3:

Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke

up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed

it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked

　

Question 4:

Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived

kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee

was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet) Reply was

"TEA" ( T - alphabet)

Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"

　

Question 5:

Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"?

People will start thinking of Ajodhya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka

etc...

But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna

Killing N Narakasura. In Dasavataar , Krishnavathaar comes after

Raamavathaar .

So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!

　

Question 6:

The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the

interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table

where u have kept your files."

Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table

and told that this was the central point at the table.

　

Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point

of this table, then he answers quickly that

"sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question

that u promised to ask....."

And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. .......

This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ...

"THINK OUT OF BOX"

Abhishek Arun ka Nephew & Niece

IT HAPPENS ONLY IN INDIA..........

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?" "Because I'm a woman, " she told him. "I don't understand, " he said. His Mom just hugged him and said , "And you never will." Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?" "All women cry for no reason, " was all his dad could say.

The little boy grew up and became a man, still wondering why women cry...

Finally he put in a call to God. When God got on the phone, he asked , "God, why do women cry so easily?"

God said "When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength to endure childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife , but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed. This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed."

"You see my son, " said God, "the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears , the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

Pass it on to men too - perhaps they will then understand "why women cry"

Secret of Success

Sir, What is the secret of your success?

a reporter asked a bank president.

Two word

And, Sir,what are they?

Right decisions.

And how do you make right decisions?

One word.

And,sir, What is that?

Experience.

And how do you get Experience?

Two words.

And, Sir, what are they?

Wrong decisions.

Prayer While Going to Office

I Love You Coz'

i

Tumse Kitni Muhabbat Hai...

तुमसे कितनी मुहब्बत है ये बता नहीं सकता,
अपनी जिंदगी में तुम्हारी अहमियत जता नहीं सकता,
मेरी जिंदगी का हर लम्हा तुम्ही से शुरु होता है,
तुमसे दुर रह के एक पल भी अकेले बीता नहीं सकता,


मुमकिन है खुद को भुल जाऊं पर,
तुझे भूलने की खता मै कर नहीं सकता,
तुम मेरे दिल में ही नहीं मेरे रोम-रोम में बसे हो,
तुमसे बिछड़ के मैं ये जिंदगी जी नहीं सकता,


यकीन नही होता कि तुम चाहते नहीं हमें,
अपने दर्द को अपनी ज़ुबान से बयान कर नहीं सकता,
आज वादा है मेरे दिल से ऐ मेरे सनम,
तुम्हारे सिवा मै किसी और को चाह नहीं सकता,


तुम जिंदगी हो मेरी...
तुम्हारे बिना मेरा दिल धडक नहीं सकता,
साथ तुम्हारे मैं हमेशा रहुंगा इतना समझ लो,
जो तुम नहीं साथ तो जन्नत में भी "अरूण" जी नहीं सकता..